Can Hardly Breath . . .

Well well . . hmmm a little emo post. . but let me update a bit lar ok??hehehe. . .

WC bday just past. I hope she enjoyed her bday as Sue did most of the planning by herself just to make a special day for WC. She got her multi-choices of cakes, her ever wanter skin food box, her cute little pen skin, her dream of watching high school musical and so. . . She wasn't aware her surronding but in the end, she was surprised because we organized a small surprised meeting in the room. . . she drop her tears finally due to the emotional surprise meeting/party . . heheh . . Well here, i just wanna wish u a VERY GREAT year ahead. . .since ur 20 now, no more a teen, u will forever be remembered by me!! =) by us lar in general . .heheh . .

I know u for the third year now if am not mistaken, and our days were ups and downs. . . U turn to me when there's probs, as i turn to u when i facing some too!! we understand each another well enough that to a certain extend ppl misunderstand us as a couple. . .but it's ok because u are one that i will not forget, one who had left footprints in my life. . . Friendship nvr end!!=) Hugs WC. . . =)

Well, that's for the update of WC's bday, carry on to the Dark Knight. . . Well the story at first was a little confusing, but towards the end, the actions and things acted inside that movie caught my attention. . .but eventually, there's ntg much of a story to me. . sorry to say to all the Dark Knight fans. . hehehe. . . . WEnt watch with tee yew, Wc, Sue and Michie. . .=) ate Pork Burger in Kim Gary, yum yum, then went Uni for meeting and classes. . . hehehe. . .

Hmm, well, it's another rather emo feeling i'm having. . I just dun understand. . or shall i say i CAN'T understand sometimes. . . Life is so full of ups and downs and so and so . . i know. .i HEARD i understand. . .but then how come it's jus so confusing? Lifes is just unpredictable. . . Love, Friends, Relationships, Studies, Work, Finance, etc. . . . . hmmm . .just full of question marks and curiousity . .

I know i shall face it with courage. . i know. . . But i just dun get it. . . u know? When there's possibilities, it always turn out not working. . . When there's no hope and light, something eventually happen . . Is jus tat if u wan thing to happen, it won't happen. . . If u wan things not to happen, it eventually happen . . In the end, everything turns out WRONG or disaster. . .haihs haihs haihs. . .

Well it's rather random post, so PLEASE dun ask me wat happen. . . I can tell U, all this random post comes in when i stone in the room . .sitting down doing ntg and start DREAMing and THINKing a lot of stuffs. . . past present future. . all fit into my randomness. . .tat's why u could see my randomness sometimes. . .

Love is just hard to predict, Relationship even harder to accomodate. . .haihs. . . . How i hope i could have a great wan . . .

Friendship is suppose to be rainbow. . all kind of different colours. . .but between these colours, there's always a barrier to differentiate the difference. . . hmm . . how come. . . Some ppl jus dun get their friendship smooth . . . . some just happen . . hmmm. . how i wish mine will last forever. . .

Studies had nvr been easy for me. I personally likes sports, outdoor, events. . . . I always wanted to be at my best, but blame who for not doing it properly? Myself of cos, who else can I say it to . . it's my own work and responsibility. . . so. . .

Well, now wat i learn is, cherish every moment of life, cherish everyone that is by ur side, live happily and with no regrets. . . .

hmmm, i guess tat's all for my post lar, gonna do my homework now. Yet do start yet, slept throughout the evening just now. . lol . .lazy rite? i know. . Ciaoz ppl . . hugs.

'.'

-kimhan-

Randomness. . .

Well, another random post. . .hehehe. . .

Hmm, not a story, but then is just what i have been thinking in my mind. . . Why do I deserve things happening like that? In here, i won't specifically say what had happen and what's happening, but then yeah, I sometimes get's very 'tu-lan' for certain occasion. . . . I just dun understand. . . Maybe different personality, character, situation, feeling. . . Or izit just not so important after all?? All of you must be wondering what the hell i'm talking about, but then i reli dunno how to say it here. . .it's a reli reli reli upset-ing feeling for me. . . Bare in mind, I reli never get extreme upset before, but if I do, better run far far, because is just like volcano erupt till non stop and can done damages. . . damn random i know. . lol . . . that's why it is a random post. . . . . .

Well another one is, I reli dun understand. . how does it work. Izit me or izit ME?? I felt reli hopeless at time as things just do not go well. I felt so useless as things makes me wonder. . . I kept thinking about absolute nothing but one. . . What is THAT all about? What should I do? What is the THOUGHT? How should I know and understand? how can I get better if I dunno? Izit am total un-important? I'm reli speechless at times. . . All I get is ntg ntg ntg. . . all i get is nooo noooo noooo. . . Avoiding? CHanging? WHY???? =[ Total downnnnn. . . . . . .

THat's all for now. . dunno what to say di . . =] he he. . . . randomness ends. . .

to be continue. . .

'.'

-kimhan-

Living a Lie? Girl friends?

Well, must be wondering what is this post all about. . . It's a little about me though. . .

How should I start. . . Maybe I shall start by saying I lie. But only sometimes. Not everytime. Maybe I lie to avoid problems? Lie to make people happy? Lie to get away from something? Lie to gain something? All this I admit I've done before, no doubt. I bet some of you out there does the same thing before too? Right?

Well one thing I've never lie to anyone before, which is my feelings. As I can tell you myself, I could be close with some girls I could be close with other girls or even most of my female friends. But I never lie or cheated any girl feelings.

To me lying is already a big 'sin'. Lying to a person who I adore, I like, I miss, I have deep feelings for is not in my dictionary. I had never cheated on anyone's feeling and had never want that to happen. As I know how pain it is because I had experienced it before. An experienced of being lied and cheated. I felt it, so I know and understand, that is why I will never lie or cheat on feelings.

I will not lie to anyone especially those close friends and girl that I have feelings for.

Maybe by doing, saying or acting the same thing towards different girls makes people think that I treated all the girl friends the same, but NO. There are only few stages of girl friends I made and it is all treated differently.

1st will be stranger girls, I will certainly just say Hi nice to meet you and that's it.
2nd will be hi bye girl friends, which mean meet say hi, leave say bye kinda friends.
3rd will be those who is slightly closer, sharing homework, talk when meet, joke and sometimes hang out kind.
(note: these 3 stages can be included in work and so)
4th will be those even closer that consider to be close friends that can share almost everything from secret, food, drinks and even properties like bags, pillows, blankets, jacket, jokes and everything that comes to the mind.
Finally will be those that I miss, I think of, I want to spend time with, and I have feelings for them which makes me want to bring up to a higher level of relationship kind.

SO there you see, there are different stages of girl frens in my life. Maybe I call them they same way, treated them a little similar or so, but the meaning of it is different. What my heart felt is different in every single stages. I will never never cheat on my own feelings as well as the others which is friends and love ones. Believe me.

If still have doubt in me, I really have nothing to say else. The thinking and the decisions as well as the way you(anyone) see me will be on your own as I'm powerless to control it.

I know this is a akward post, but I just feel it's a need to post it. I want PEOPLE to understand.

That's all for now.

'.'

-kimhan-

Screw. . . .

WTF is WRONG wit ME man . . . .

Seriously FUCK MYSELF!!

The world had NOT been brighter for me. . .

Life is so SUCK up for me. . . . .

Myself? What's WRONG wit me?

.......................

damn Fuck up lar. . . . .

'.'

-kimhan-

Hey ppl . . .

Well, I had forgotten where did I drop off di. Holiday is over. Today is my last day of holiday. Tmr Uni resume normal! I can't wait to go back tho altho i'm going to miss my holidays. . . .

Result came out the other day. It wasn't as what i thought. I did not get that GOOD results tho. I decided to change my major into International business and Marketing. I hope and THINK i will be able to do well cos i am in favour of these two majors!! =)

Went LCCT to fetch Grace and Stacy ytd. There were on the same flight. I reached there around 3.15 3.30. . . waited one hour plus only they come out. I stand also tired di lar. Somemroe haven eat lunch!!hehehe. . . but they finally came out and i fetch them home lor. . .good to see them back!!

Went Coco Banana on my 1st week of holiday. I went pissed drunk. That was my 1st time got drunk. Terribly drunk. Sorry ppl that i troubled u all, thanks for helping me tho!! I wasn't aware i was that drunk because i still can sense the environment of mine. Being able to talk and do things still, i tot i was highly tipsy. . .but turn out i KNS. . .lol . . Say things weridly, do weird stuffs and being a big hard to 'jaga' 'baby'. . . lol. . . I was drunk because that time everyone have their own group of ppl. . .chatting hugging with their frens and partners. . me?was lonely, so i kept drinking drink drink drink . .non stop. Tat's why i got drunk. . lol . .funny rite? My 'virginity' of drunk had be taken away. . . lol . .

Well, did ntg much tho in holiday. . .Went Redang wit few of my frens. Sue, tyew, WaiChien, Michie and Halim and CC. . . left monday nite reach tuesday morning, left Redang around noon reach KL around 9 . . . I will update more about that trip when i post the pictures up!! hehehe. . it was nice trip as i went from bright to dark once again!!hahah . . I'm tanned dark!!lol . . . But it was nice!! Looking forward for next trip!! =)]

I had been moody once again right after I came back from Redang. Maybe because of my results. I know some ppl got the same like mine or even worst. . . But i reli damn damn damn sad these days. . I can't accept the fact that i studied so much for that sub and i still dun get a better results. . . wat a failure am i . . .haihs. . .

Well yes, I had been thinking alot larr. .Thanks to my brain and my life lar. . SRRY ppl . . lol . . .

Well new sem, i'm gonna work hard from now on. I'm gonna work real hard. I'm going to. . .be successful!! i hope!!

That's all for now, update more in next!!=)

Ciaoz

'.'

-kimhan-

...e......m......ooo.......

Dam emo now actually. . . It's been the past few days. . . .

Is just, I felt, everything jus not going my way . . .

Ppl had been ignoring me, Ppl had been disliking me, Ppl had been emo-ing at me, Ppl had been unhappy wit me. . .

EVERYTHING I do. . .is just wrong?? Why everything i done is wrong??? Hate myself damn loads now lor. . . .grrrr. . . . .

heading to bed now and f-up with the pillow, banging my head to the wall. . . I reli dun understand. . . I'm just a s-up human to my life. . everything is jus not happy, not right, not correct, not proper. . . screw myself lar. . .

grrrrr. . . .

'.'

-kimhan-