Again??

Its been almost 5 months now I did not update. but I have no one to turn to....

Oh well....why always like that...WHY??? Hate it!!!

'.'

-kimhan-

Wild Thoughts~

Finally, I am OFFICIALLY an ALUMNI in Monash University. Got my Cert last Saturday 12/11/2011. woot woot!

Well, its nothing big, because I'm done with Monash since last year, just that I couldn't attend the ceremony because I was in the States. Well, get over with it, and yeah!!

Anyways, was just some wild thought and some reminder for myself that life is never an easy, straight thing to understand. People around you, stranger or not, friends or not, buddy or not, sister brother or not, it is so difficult sometimes as it is so diverse among all. You can expect as much as you can or you can least expect as much as you can, either way you will just feel it is a waste of time! Being positive all the time has never been a great help most of the time as being positive means you are ignoring the 'problem' solving stage, or shall I say you are just avoiding. Being negative all the time does not mean you are working on solving problems or finding what is wrong that you should mend it, is just mean that you are over concern on things that might or might not happen, happening or happened.

Well, to tell you the truth, I have been shy and lonely. I have always wanted to put God in my life, I'm not saying God is not in my life, is just I felt so useless and being a disappointment every time. I had been trying my best. I really love God so much, but I really do not know what I can do. I had tried and trying to be closer to God every time. And one day I just hope I can really be with God forever. 

God may or may not done miracle in my life. Maybe did, but I didnt' realise. Maybe God is testing me. Maybe God wants to see how much I really want him. Well, of all, I just want to say, GOD, I LOVE YOU. FORGIVE ME. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE. THE WAY AND THE LIFE FOR ME. God I pray You will just GUIDE ME, HELP ME. Amen~

Another 'wild' thoughts I have is just seeing the differences, the black and white, the ups and downs, the positive and negative, the promises and un-promises, the happy and the sad, the angry and the calm, the random and the straight, the craziness and the proper, the polite and the un-polite, the good and the bad, the friendly and the unfriendly, the weird and the cool, the right and the wrong, the nice and the not nice.....ETC.... All these make me feel that I cannot really depend on anyone at all. Maybe I am just too lonely at this time. I'm not desperate for a gf or a partner or want to get a wife or so. But I felt like my life do not have a proper direction at this moment. I do have so much in my mind, businesses, sales, success, rich, happy, welcomed, invited and etc, but I just do not know where to start. I wanted to talk to certain people, but I just can't find one! I'm not feeling emo, but I am just feeling confuse. I see people being successful, moving forward, great achievement. I won't deny that I am jealous of them, but at the mean time I am so happy for them. But what, who am I? How and Where should I start? WHEN can I be what I want to be?

Hmmm....


I must start now! First things to do, is to throw away my laziness! Lets GO!! I need to be hardworking! I NEED TO BE NOT LAZY ANYMORE! ARRgh~!!! 

Lol~

Reading what I just typed is just too funny. But somehow, I think this is the only way for me to 'release' certain 'sigh' of mine. Hehehe, so please bare with me.

Although my blog is no longer available for the public, (Which I thought of opening back for the public), but I don't think it is the time yet.

My blog will be up and running again soon. Hopefully *finger's cross*!

Christmas is around the corner! HO HO HO!!!
I can't wait till it comes! Looking forward for it! woot Woot!

That's all for now, Till then...

See ya~

'.'

-kimhan-

Aim - less - ly

I'm kinda having some difficulties. Why? because I do not where's my direction at the moment. My life seems so aimlessly and lifelessly. What should I do? hmmm....

I Pray to God that He can Lead me and Guide me and Bless me and Show me and Talk to me~

What's next for me? What's next?

HMmmmm...

'.'

-kimhan-

Now its clearer...~

As for now, i finally see it!

Like the old says, it is hard to know a fren but it is easy to become enemy. Im not saying i bcomin anyone' enemy bt, bt nevertheless, bein my best fren requires mre from that. Im nt expecting my best fren to be perfect or watsoever, bt basic things within our group, u should share. Nt like ur sharing somethin bad or wat.. Im nt pinpointing anyone here bt tis is nt d first time.

Its hard, its reli hard!u can say i think too much or so.. Bt i always been hopeful, cheerful and wishful.. Bt it always turns out opposite! I had been disappointed many many many times.. Bt i nvr say it or show it becos i had been hopeful... Bt it continues and continues... I do nt wan to be 'a stick on a water where u use me to scoop ur stuff then throw me one side'. It is jus an example of me feeling used sOmetimes without caring bout how i feel.. Does anyone actually knw??

Im glad i hav few besty around. And i Thank God for that bcos they jus made my day sometimes. However, im gonna change being tough and tougher. Ive learned my lessons. Last time incident i tot i see it all.. Bt nw, nt saying got incident, i see much mre... I will continue to see and learn...

Srry for expressing boring stuffs... Jus wanna let it out.. :D

K tats all for now..

'.'

-kimhan-

Random thoughts on Friends~

How do you define a friend? Or close friend? Or best Friend? Or Brothers/Sisters?

I finally understand. Finally I see it so clearly. Thanks for making it clearer.

:)

'.'

-kimhan-

bored, loned, tired . . . . ~

I'm bored and tired . . . .

I'm sleepy . . .

I feel so lonely suddenly . . .  Hmm~ feel like my life is in a mess currently . . . Feel so lonely and useless~

God please help!

What should I do? Help~
Who should I need? Help~
How should I handle? Help~
Where should I go? Help~
Which is the right thing? Help~
When can I 'un-mess' this? Help~

Hmm~

'.'

-kimhan-

People that I start to lose faith and trust in~

As you can see from the title, it is clear that I lose faith and trust in certain people. Of course, I never ever will lose faith in GOD.

The thing is, sometimes in your life, you meet up with with so many people, friends, buddies, sisters brothers, close frens, soulmate, collegues, internet friends, and etc etc.... Promises, bonds, trust, agreements, secrets, sharing, and etc will be form throughout the life.. but some how what happen if any one of them had been breached, or broken or just fail?

Yes I do agree people comes and goes in your life except family, relatives and God (unless there are any exceptional cases). I once heard this: to change a relationship (be it gfbf relationship, marry couple relationship, family relative relationship or even jus friendship), you do not change the other side, but to change yourself and to accept it. I do agree on this so much even I tried it before.

Sometimes it is so difficult for me. I feel so breathless, effortless, tiredness and useless. So much I want to do and I can do, but I can't due to certain reasons, or unforseen circumstances. Sometimes when I have so much thought in my mind, I just want to delete everything, or share it with someone (which I never really do this b4 in my life). I kept thinkin n thinkin n thinkin, sometimes even think until I js give up everything. It may be hard for you all to understand wat im tryin to say, but in fact I also dunno how do i translate this feeling here.

I had so many disappointment, broken promises and even back stabbed & lied, untrusted. It reli affects my self esteem so much. I jus wish I can be strong enough to face everything myself, but sometimes I failed. I always show ntg in my life, bt my feelings actually had been so low and down for a very very very long time...U can ask wat happen, i can answer u, ntg! becos the fact is really ntg. is jus past, current, disappointments and those negative aura's had been affecting me and I nvr able to build myself up since from the start.

Yes I am glad all my besty like EL, TH, IV always there jus spend some time together whether it is eating, drinking. They do not knw hw happy I am jus to laugh together with them. And I really appreciate it. It may seem jus a normal outing or so, bt to me it is something that comforts me all the time. Listening to their talk, stories and laughter is enuf for me. At least I knw I hav someone there for me jus to 'cheer' me everytime.

Work had been jus peaceful and slow for me although i have so much to do.. I hav so much plans in my yet i hav nt hav the power to start anything. I always want to challeng myself everytime, doing things that out of my capabilities... Currently I do not have special dislike or like on my job, jus normal, jus feel like working for the sake of the RM 2k and spend my time doing data entries till my eye goes @.@ . . . .

I reli wish and hope I can start lining up my plans and initiate it soon~

Back to main 'topic', Yes few of my past and current had been reli disappointing to me.
Promises broken, Being backstabbed, being ignored for no reasons or for ur own reason(this is so selfish) n etc. Make me feel like s*it~....but wat the H*ll can i actually do??
Damn it, u have life I have life too. but if my life is not worthy for u to at least keep ur promise, dun bother to start all those s*it lar~

Guys girls, who cares, as long as u r my fren, I cherish you, that's all I can say, if u dun cherish our frenship, relationship, sisterhood brotherhood, or watever, dun start then~!!

O well, i wont explain further and dun bother asking me details about this post as i wont say anything. Im here jus to express my disastifaction in certain ppl, certain incidents.

It is a long post, might bore u....Sorry for that...

Had been single for long...Now is time for me to go out hunt for my partner already!!! HAHAHAHA... jk~

Anyway, tats all for now~ I talk to you all later alright?

'.'

-kimhan-

Bull!!

M allgy 2blsht.

Ct d crp n hld ur ars, kp it 2ursf s i blv in krm.

I gs m js antr fllr.

Ur gn b my antr pst.

Dn tk avtg on me. M wk bt nt stpd.

I dcd 2 ct on msf 4ver. GOD wl aws b wt m n i wl ol trst U GOD 1nol.

'.'

-kimhan-

Crapppzzz

Dnt gve me al des knd of shtz la. . .

M nt js antr 'chce' 4u k. Dnt mk me lke a fckn fool. If u dnt aprcte me dnt js fckn 'ply' me arnd. M nt smne 4u 2 cl wn u nd smne js 2 ps ur tme.

M nt exptn antng bt i js wnt 2b aprcte n b trtd s a frn nt a flr.

Hhs rli, cn ayne, ayne at al 2udrstd me? I cnt rli stnd at al. I 'crd' evy nte, js 2 clm mslf.

Hmm...

'.'

-kimhan-

400th Post!!

My 400th Post!!

Oh well, things rather dull, normal and quiet these days, these weeks, these months... Not expecting much!!

Just kinda disappointed in few things that really make me feel so uncomfortable...

Was in serious sick just yesterday...Took MC from work and slept throughout just to rest my body and mind....just to get speedy recovery....

Hmm....

Good Luck!!

'.'

-kimhan-